Markelle's last days with us...

The last week of Markelle’s life was the hardest week of my life. Markelle’s health declined dramatically throughout the weekend with her belly continuing to grow because her liver and pancreas were so sick. At this point she had a fever, needed blood transfusions and continuous oxygen. By Monday, Markelle was awaiting a surgery consult to see if we could find out where she could be bleeding in her belly.

That Monday, our day started out very much on the wrong foot when a new resident came in our room to check on Markelle and report back to the GI team before rounds. While she was examining Markelle she casually looked over at me and asked “Do ya’ll have things in order for her?” and I said “What do you mean?” and she said “Do ya’ll have a DNR in place?” I looked at her and said “Of course we don’t have a DNR!!! I was so mad that I could not see straight… I could not believe that she had the gall to ask me that and who did she think she was talking to??? I was so angry and appalled by this.

By late morning I was very unsettled by how rapidly things had changed in the last days and the lack of response to getting Markelle into surgery today. When the GI doctor came in she asked for some extra labs to be drawn because by this point Markelle was not waking up or responding. The MRI we did over the weekend showed that Markelle’s pancreas was very sick and was basically falling apart, the fluid from her pancreas was destroying her other organs. Markelle was not well enough to handle surgery and after talking with her surgeon, surgery would not help at his point. The labs came back showing that Markelle’s CO2 level was very high and we had to make the decision to go to the ICU and put her on the ventilator or sign a DNR….

It was so unbelievable that this day had come for us! I knew Markelle was very sick and she was no longer a candidate for a transplant. This was not at all how I thought we would make the sensitive end of life decisions… Markelle needed time! I needed time! But she was tired and she had already told me the week before that she did not want another transplant… and that she knew she was going to die.

After Brandon and I talked about all that had transpired we decided that it was best to leave it up to God and not to use machines to help keep her alive. My priority had always been Markelle's happiness and the quality of her life, this was a difficult decision, but one we felt was best for Markelle. I asked the doctor if we could be moved up to ICS and be with nurses that knew and loved Markelle for the last hours of her life. I made those very difficult calls and first thing I needed to tell Mikalie that her sister was dying. I had just told her the night before that Markelle was going to be okay just like every other time she was sick and I needed her to know that was not really the case. I have no idea what I said to her I just only remember that it broke my heart that I had to break her heart too!

We moved floors and the flood gates opened with visitors… Allowing everyone to come and say goodbye to her seemed to be the right thing to do, she loved people and it was what she had always wanted.

On Wednesday evening Markelle woke up for the first time since Sunday night and asked for a Popsicle and I wondered if she would once again defy the odds and make it through this time too… But that was not God’s plan.

Friday morning I had to leave the hospital without my precious baby girl, leaving the hospital one day without her was what I had desperately feared her whole life.